A Jumble of Stuff...

What can I say? 24 Weeks yesterday. Sometimes I feel such a jumble of emotions and sensations that it is hard to put into words. Perhaps, it is pregnancy hormones, or just the complete overwhelming nature of having another human being, being manufactured inside of you, but it is an understatement to say that I have my ups and downs.

For example, random things make me cry--strike that--Random things can send me into hysterics. Not crazy, psycho, your-not-a-nice-person hysterics, just bawling fits that leave me breathless, and Matt unsure of how to comfort me. Like the other night when we started watching 'Panic Room', and old movie with Jodie Foster and Kirsten Stewart. Kirsten's character played Jodie's daughter and had a scene in the movie where she goes into diabetic shock. I've seen the movie a few times, and it's never bothered me before, but I broke down into a ridiculous crying fit. I was fine after a while, but for about 5 minutes I was inconsolable. Is it bad to admit that sometimes I am absolutely terrified to be a mom? Sometimes I think about all the things that can go wrong, and I about drive myself crazy.

Now, please don't misunderstand me. I have my sanity at times too. I am mostly excited about being a mom. I have absolutely loved being pregnant up until this point, and plan on continuing to love it. I really do look forward to the challenges motherhood and parenthood in general will present, but I would be lying if I didn't admit to the fact that, every once in a while, I completely lose it and bawl my eyes out with fear, worry, and frustration at not being able to control everything. My mom says I'm normal. So does my sister. So I guess I will just continue on this journey, enjoying as much as I can, with as much heart as I can, holding onto Matt's hand for dear life, and praying that someone else watching over me, Matt and our little Jelly Bean, who knows a lot more than us, has it all under control.

:)